Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

Tools

Holding Onto the Rope of Allah

Holding Onto the Rope of Allah

One of my teachers in spiritual healing school once did a demonstration. She took a thick rope and held onto one end of it. Then she asked a student to hold on to the other end. Once the student was holding it, she gave it enough pull, tension, so the rope felt tight and the student felt like she was being pulled toward something. Our teacher taught us to hold onto “the rope of Allah” like the student was holding to the physical rope. She taught us to always look for the rope of Allah and hold on tight. As I practice that, I find that I am able to feel less thrown around by events going on around me, or even to me.