Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

fear of being alone

Loneliness Versus Alone

Loneliness Versus Alone

I used to be terrified of being lonely. As a result, I was fearful of being alone. Last night, in a women’s divorce support group, I was asked to consider two things. First, I was asked to consider the difference between loneliness and being alone. Second, I was asked in what way loneliness impact my day-to-day life…Today, for me, feeling lonely is a sensation that is a signal informing me of a need for connection. It’s like the sensation of hunger. If I meet the need, I can move about my day as I intended. If I choose to not eat when I feel hungry, then the pang of hunger, the need, becomes more insistent and attention grabbing.