I grew up believing that if I focused all my attention on a few key things, that I would end up happy.
Find the right man and marry him.
Obtain a good education. A good education leads to a good job.
Work hard now to be happy later.
Finding the right partner was the castle of my land. That made the most sense: that if I found love, I would feel happy all the time, no matter what was happening around me. This castle would protect me from the weather and elements of my world. Obtaining the good education was like sowing my land with enriched soil. If I had a lot of knowledge then I could do a lot of different jobs. The potential to control my future was seductive and attractive. And the glass that protected and kept me in my limited world was the hard work. All I had to do was work hard now, so that someday, I would have happiness. Notice the verbs: Find, Obtain and Work.
The result was I lived the first 19 years of my adult life attending one college or university after another, pursuing a good education in multiple fields, resulting in me obtaining multiple, unrelated degrees. I signed up for the hardest classes, when most of the time it wasn’t necessary or even beneficial to do so. As a result, I worked very hard. Throughout all of it, I pursued one relationship after another, not acknowledging the patterns that each relationship revealed. The castle wasn’t “growing” or “learning about myself”, it was “finding” someone else, looking outward and elsewhere for my happiness and safety. My refuge was to be found in someone else’s jurisdiction.
Here it is, my dark little snow globe
It keeps my attention focused on a very small area of existence. It has a castle, it has land rich with potential, and it has an outer glass that doesn’t limit the view but does feel safe, secure and contained.
Here it is, my dark little snow globe. It keeps my attention focused on a very small area of existence. It has a castle, it has land rich with potential, and it has an outer glass that doesn’t limit the view but does feel safe, secure and contained.
In moments of distress and pain, my historical limited thinking is to keep my world small. Look at this dark little globe and don’t get overwhelmed with life. It’s all here and there is nothing more to want or need, so don’t be greedy and look elsewhere or want more. But when I can actually be in the reality of my life, my life is exciting, full, happy, and so hopeful. I’m manifesting a vocation that suits me, being creative, expressing myself, writing music, I’m steeped in beauty. My life is full of potential to connect with people in a meaningful way and support others in their own life journey. Maybe even support others in their connection to the divine. The reality of my life is so much bigger and brighter and expansive than this little snow globe could ever be. And the expansiveness is no longer scary but exciting, with its unlimited potential.
At the time of writing this, I’m going through something painful on physical, emotional and spiritual levels. I feel frustrated and sad that I struggle with this. It is challenging to even realize that I’m turning to this dark and limited snow globe – obsessing and compulsively thinking about a painful and incompatible relationship to distract me from my grief and pain at the loss of a loved one. When I can pause and notice what I’m doing, with Allah’s help, I pull myself out of this narrowed attention to look at what’s in front of me. Yes, grief and loss is there. So is the hope and excitement about my career. There is gratitude about my healthy friendships and communities. There is my deepening relationship with Allah. And then I take a step forward and a few hours later, there I am, desperately clutching my snow globe and intensely staring at it again. GAH!
I am committed to growing and living a life full of gratitude, happiness, and peace. So I’ll slowly grow and strengthen these new neural pathways and keep pausing to readjust my perspective. I commit to catching myself when I turn to my dark and limited snow globe with the expectation that some day I will be able to put it down one last time, and know that I won’t pick it up ever again, really believing I no longer need it. And during my transition, this barzakh, I will feel frustrated and annoyed. I will feel sad upon reflection. And I’ll take comfort in the knowledge that I’m not alone in this, or terminally unique. I’m never alone. Peace and love.
What mindsets have you broken free from? How has it affected your life or the lives of those around you? Please feel free to share in the comments below.
“In the Name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, Most Merciful. All praise is for Allah, Lord of all worlds, the Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, Master of the Day of Judgment. You [alone] we worship and You [alone] we ask for help. Guide us along the Straight Path, the Path of those You have blessed, not those You are displeased with, or those who are astray.”
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