Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

Ridicule

Ridicule, Mocking, Taunting, Jesting

Ridicule, Mocking, Taunting, Jesting

Humor is like a double-headed axe. This type of tool is wonderfully effective if used by someone who understands how to handle it and use it well. However, if the user doesn’t understand the tool they are using they can cause serious and long-lasting harm to others and themselves without intending to.

Ridicule and its cousins inherently create separation. It calls attention to something undesirable, exaggerating it and drawing attention away from merits or favorable qualities. Those who agree become part of the “us” or “we” group. Those who disagree or align with the unfavorable trait become “them.”

By creating separation, now there is the ability to create a better-than-less-than situation within the group dynamic. That which is laughed at, and thus who align with that which is laughed at, is automatically demoted and less-than. Those who laugh are elevated to better-than. In this way humor is used as a power move. If someone in the less-than category brings the light of Truth to the situation, they are automatically slapped back down with a well timed “It’s just a joke! Geez, can’t you just take a joke?” which itself is another kind of power move.