Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

boundaries

The Gift of Boundaries in My Life

The Gift of Boundaries in My Life

When I experienced an interaction with someone with healthy boundaries, I experienced them as cold, uncaring, cold-hearted and distant. What I’ve discovered is what I experienced as “warm and caring” was actually enmeshment. What felt “cold and distant” is actually respect and space. Now I, boundaries allows for space between two people. Once people know where each begins and ends, there can be a gap in the space between. Each person can choose what they put in that space in between. Boundaries allow me to give the gift of safety and respect to others on all these different levels. There’s space for acceptance, care, patience and gratitude. These are all components of love. Boundaries allow me to love myself and others more authentically and deeply.