Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

self love

Success on the Shoulders of Failure

Success on the Shoulders of Failure

It was incredible to see how failure was as valuable as success. There was no longer any good or bad associated with failure, or even success. Talk about new levels of freedom. Realizing that was really freeing. It freed me to stop judging myself with those standards. It freed me to also grow and accept that making mistakes, which I viewed as failures, was a crucial part of my growth and development. I mine my mistakes for information, even now. Especially now. I don’t love them, but I don’t dread them like I once did.

Being My Own Best Friend

Being My Own Best Friend

It asked a question: “Would you speak to your best friend this way?” Uuuuhhh, No! Absolutely not! She wouldn’t be my friend at all, no one would, if I said even one of these things to someone else.

The article continued with: “If you said ‘no,’ then why do you speak to yourself this way?” I thought my reason was good. I thought my negative self-talk pushed me to do better than others. I thought it was the reason I succeeded in my endeavors.

The article continued with, “Why not be your own best friend?”

The Gift of Boundaries in My Life

The Gift of Boundaries in My Life

When I experienced an interaction with someone with healthy boundaries, I experienced them as cold, uncaring, cold-hearted and distant. What I’ve discovered is what I experienced as “warm and caring” was actually enmeshment. What felt “cold and distant” is actually respect and space. Now I, boundaries allows for space between two people. Once people know where each begins and ends, there can be a gap in the space between. Each person can choose what they put in that space in between. Boundaries allow me to give the gift of safety and respect to others on all these different levels. There’s space for acceptance, care, patience and gratitude. These are all components of love. Boundaries allow me to love myself and others more authentically and deeply.

Self Love: Develop Loving Self Talk

Self Love: Develop Loving Self Talk

You know that voice inside our head? The one that often berates us when we make a mistake? Or, the one that haunts and nags us when we face a regret? I used to believe I needed that voice to treat me that way. I thought the more critical it was, the more it kept me on my toes and pushed me to succeed. I thought it was my secret to success. No, really. I believed this powerful weapon was my reason for success. I deeply believed that without it, I was lazy and would never amount to anything. Why? Because this voice said so.

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You Are Worthy Because You Breathe

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You Are Worthy Because You Breathe

…Daily, maybe hourly, I experienced toxic shame that stemmed from a belief that I wasn’t worthy of anything.... I wasn’t even worthy of the air I breathed. It was extreme and it was really painful. Then someone said to me, “you’re worthy because you breathe.” That was an interesting and jolting statement. Could it be true?