Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

envy

Clearing the Rust of Envy

Clearing the Rust of Envy

To address envy, know that the cause of it is most often not related to the object of the envy. Journaling, talking about it, meditating, sitting in remembrance, can all help bring out the root cause for why the emotions are happening. Ask yourself “What’s behind this envy?” and be willing to be surprised by your answer. It may take you somewhere you didn’t expect to go.

Is the envy due to a low self-esteem issue rooted in unmet needs as a child? Is it from false beliefs that there isn’t enough in the world to support you and your needs, wants, life goals or visions? Is it due to fear that you’re not important or good enough or loved enough? Does it come from a desire to feel worthy? Does it impact your sense of safety or provision? Truly, be willing to be surprised at what you find is behind the envy. Be kind and free from self-judgment. Envy is a blameworthy trait, but I am willing to bet, one who feels it came by it honestly. We can’t remove blameworthy characteristics until we’re ready.