Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

love school

Love School

Love School

A friend of mine teaches that we’re here on this planet to learn about love. We’re all attending “Love School.”…

“Love is Truth.”

It turned my whole reality on its head to realize, for me, love is not blind. Love helps me see the truth more clearly. I see people as they really are. Love allows me to see people’s defects of character and gives me the freedom from judgment. Life has taught me discernment – what defects of character can I tolerate and at what level of intimacy or interactions. This discernment is what keeps me safe and my life manageable. Seeing people as “flawed” and detecting those flaws didn’t actually keep me safe. Perceiving people in such a way moved me towards judging others and the scale of better than/worse than.