Being right can be important in certain work relationships and situations. Certainly, for engineers, accountants, and doctors where other people’s lives are completely affected by these professionals’ technical decisions, making correct decisions is highly important. In contrast, perhaps, being right is not the thing to focus on in relationships where emotional connection is so hugely important. It is easy to see how confusing that can be when both types of relationships require high levels of trust, safety, respect and being valued. And yet, the importance of being “right” is not relevant or valid most of the time in a healthy, loving, supportive romantic relationship. Those qualities that harbor and protect the connection in the relationship are way more important. Things like play, fun, emotional protection, humor and affection. This is why in marriage it is imperative to have skills like attunement to your partner’s reality.

The only way one can attune to their partner’s reality is if they can hold two realities at once, if they can honor and respect both realities. It’s not about throwing away our reality and taking on another person’s reality as our own, so we can match and sync up. Destroying your own reality is as bad as belittling or diminishing someone else’s reality. It’s about honoring both at the same time.