Mariam-Saba Ahmad
Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How ...

The problem with not “showing up” in a relationship, namely not speaking up, sharing my reality, or conveying what’s going on with me, is I automatically have determined the outcome of the interaction. By making the choice to not show up, I’m making the choice for both of us, how the scenario is going to play out. Because it’s already playing out with my current silence. In this way, I’m playing both sides of the relationship. I’m playing my side, having my experience of the relationship and reacting to my experience. I’m playing the other side, in my head, imagining showing up and sharing whatever I want to share, imagining their reaction based on either my history and projections or based on our history and projection of who I see them as, imagining the fallout and difficulty in repair, if there even is a repair, and then choosing to not go down that road because it’s not worth it. I’ve just made the choice for both of us.

Playing Both Sides of the Relationship and How to Stop

say what you mean

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You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have

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You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have

…Because of this, I thought I was a monster. I thought I had no value and nothing to offer the world. I was lonely, desperate and prayed no one would look at me, all the while starving for affection, attention and care. I got married, and that didn’t solve anything, only amplified my pitiful state further.

Years later, after a ton of healing work, no really – a ton, I may not “know” what love is but I can at least say a little bit. Love is two things, there’s the feeling of love and the action from love. I can feel love towards someone and that’s valid and real. And I can act with love….